Home is where the mess is.

I know that most people say "home is where the heart is" but, in my case, my heart is in pieces scattered across the country and carried in the pockets of the people I love. Instead, I find that home is where the mess is. The dinner dishes piled in the sink, laundry to fold, Legos scattered on the floor, composition books filled with child-like drawings of animals tucked into the couch, books stacked on headboards and end tables and furry dust bunnies lurking in every corner. To me, this is the sign of a home that is lived in.

Sometimes I wish my house was that perfect home that was always clean and presentable in case someone wanted to just drop by. However, I'm realistic. I have kids, pets, a husband and multiple health issues that force me to clean in spurts. Plus, who's really dropping by my house? My family is multiple states away (and in multiple states), as are my friends. My husband's family is also some distance away, except for his mother with whom we don't speak. Instead, I let my house be lived in by the people who live, and love, here. If someone drops by, they'll just have to understand that we're busy having fun!

So, this is my life. A yard filled with swings, a trampoline, a "clubhouse", shoes and toys tossed haphazardly on the ground, chairs that are never in the same place twice and a trash can that our crazy dog seems to think is her personal toy. I wouldn't change it for the world.

The turtle and the hare.

I can't seem to break out of this turtle/hare routine. (Think of it as my own personal Jekyll/Hyde disorder.) Some days I can barely get out of bed. Dog-hair tumbleweeds invade the living spaces, bird toys scattered around the floor and dinner is thrown together rather than planned. Those are the days when the dishes might get done before bed, a load of laundry is only done if someone needs a specific article of clothing and the bedrooms look like a natural disaster hit. I'm not proud of this, of course. I have reasons. Migraines, back pain, crippling depression, nausea and dizziness that I can't seem to shake. It's been this way for so long that I've become accustomed to it.

After a day or two of that, it leads me into a manic state where everything has to be done right now and I obsess over the end result. Are the canisters and wine bottles all facing forward? Is the kitchen table centered on the far window? I clean with a vengeance; using toothbrushes to scrub the edges of the sink, scrubbing tubs, toilets and floors and causing blisters on my hands from scalding water and caustic cleaning solutions. The house, for a time, is presentable. No matter, if someone stops by, I'll still apologize for the mess. I over-analyze, obsess and generally throw myself into a tizzy over things I can't change.

Every day I long for the in-between. The days where I can relax but still have the motivation to stay on top of the housework, doctor appointments, school meetings and sibling interventions that inevitably creep up. I want to step away from the internal struggle and find some kind of balance. I want to be me again.

Wonky

So, the scheduled posts that I've had in the wings haven't posted. Not sure why (one was from my phone, so I can understand that one) but I'll blame it on user error (ie: my fault) and move on. I'll try to recover the text files I saved everything to but, failing that, I'll just start over fresh and you'll have a few lovely new posts to read. Yay!

Have a heart.

This is the time of year when the kids are away on vacation, visiting various family members for a few weeks. No matter how many times it happens, I still miss them terribly. Can't-breathe, cry-at-everything, sleep-in-their-rooms kind of miss them. I know that this time is the perfect opportunity to get my "To Do" list whittled down (and I'm doing that, I promise) but my heart just isn't in it. It's a thousand miles away right now.

Ouch!

Theron has been getting allergy shots for a little while now, and we're past the initial period where we just wait and see how he tolerates a single dose. Oh, no. Now his dosage increases with every visit, which means they're just filling the syringe a little more each time. Considering how badly this stuff burns, I wasn't surprised that Theron actually cried this time. It did, however, break my heart. He's been so stoic, even when getting injections in, or very close to, already bruised skin. (Two shots, twice per week, in the backs of his upper arms only gives them so much room to work with.)

Today was his breaking point and I can't say that I blame him. He had at least three of the nurses in tears, too. He's always been so good about his shots and has invited every nurse out for ice cream at least once (and two he tried to move in with, oy vey). I think his breakdown was so unexpected that it caught them off guard. It certainly did for me. Maybe it's easier for them to ignore when they know the kid will scream and cry and fight them. Who knows?

There's a catch 22 in all of this, which is that the kids leave in one week to visit their father. This is the first year that we've had to try and coordinate a doctor, let alone a specialist, while they're up there. (My insurance will only cover emergencies while they're up there and their father has a very high deductible since he rarely gets ill and the kids have never needed medical attention while visiting.) Their step-mother gave me the name of an allergist up there, which turned out to be the only immunology office in the entire town. Oh, but the allergist that she knew of had retired and left the practice to someone else. Someone who still has not called me back.

Obviously, I don't trust my child's life to someone who can't pick up the phone, or even ask one of a dozen or so people who work with him to do it. Factor in that Theron's actually having reactions now, no matter how minor,and it's a no-brainer. Luckily, his father and I are in complete agreement. So, for the three weeks that the kids are visiting their father, Theron gets a break from his shots. We may have to back up a dose or two, but I'll take that over the alternative any day.

What a week!

Park! Field Day! Mud Mania! It's been a whirlwind of a week, but here are some pictures from the park:







Field Day injury and Mud Mania pictures to follow!

'Tis the season for the wheezin'!

So, it's allergy season again. This year, we decided to celebrate by getting Theron tested for specific allergies. About 6 weeks ago, I flat-out asked his doctor to do the damn test since autistic children are known to have far more food and environmental sensitivities than the average child. Lo and behold, the blood test came back "high positive". That's the point where my stomach sank.

Per the blood test, my boy was showing reactions to:

Milk
Wheat
Peanut
Soybean
Codfish
Egg White
Cat Dander
Dust Mites (listed as Derm Farinae)
Cockroach
Dog Dander
Mold Spores (listed as Alternaria Tenuis)

Per the grid test he had done on Monday, he showed reactions to:

Tree Pollens: Eastern 8 Mix
Eastern Oak Mix
Elm Mix
Maple/Box Elder mix
Hickory/Pecan Mix

Grasses: GS 7 Grass Mix
Bermuda
Bahia

Weeds: Ragweed Mix
Cocklebur
Rough Pigweed
Lamb's Quarter
Dog Fennel

Inhalants: Mite Mix

Epidermals: Cat Epithelium

Fungi: Alternaria
Aspergillus Mix

Foods: Peanut
Soybean
Fish Mix

So, the allergist put him on Zyrtec (which he'd been on before the testing) and Singulair and we follow up in 6 weeks to begin immunotherapy shots. Right now the main restrictions are environmental; he can't go outside on days when the pollen levels are high, we have to damp-dust every day, and he can't be around perfumes or smoke. Because his allergies affect his asthma, he has a standing prescription for Albuterol and can't use most soaps, perfumes or lotions. We use castile soap for him, or Dove Sensitive in a pinch. We use single source oils (Vitamin E, Jojoba or Olive) after his showers and DermaSmooth when his eczema acts up.

All of this has been relayed to the kids' father, aunt, grandmother and former stepmother, so here's hoping that they're able to keep up with the routine. I realize that it's a lot to handle if you're not used to it, but once you get the first major cleaning done, the rest is just maintenance.

In the meantime, I'm requesting a blood test for gluten and casein allergies, as per the allergists recommendation. Heaven help us if any of that comes back as reactive. He adores milk and pasta!